Heartbeat
by AthenasGrace14
Summary: Katniss has been to hell and back. With her dad and sister gone she wonders if life is even worth living. New stuggles make her question why she lived when they didn't. She thought this until she met a new friend with problems just like her. Read!


Heartbeat

**This takes place in the Western Kentucky coal mines and the Hunger Games really don't exist but Katniss and Peeta still go through horrible hardships. Some of this is based off real events that I have witnessed but other parts are made up to fit around the story. I don't own the characters just the events that are taking place. Review to tell me how I'm doing. **

Waking up in a cold sweat never makes the start of a good day but that's how all my days start out. Nightmares have haunted me ever since I was 10 years old. The years before that were filled with happiness and joy but five days after my tenth birthday everything went gray. My darling little sister, Prim, was diagnosed with Leukemia. It was a blood cancer and it had spread as far as her spinal fluid soon taking over her brain cells. I even donated my spinal fluid but it was too late for her. Six months later she died in the state hospital. That's when the nightmares stared and they continue to haunt my every sleep. I see her every night blaming me for her death. I know there was nothing I could do but the dreams make it out as my fault. My mother after that became very distant and we only talked in forced conversations. My father passed years ago when I was four in a coal mining accident in our local mines. He had left us a great amount of property with farm land and wooded area. His company also pays us double his salary every year to pay off because of his death. My mother almost went crazy after his death. She worked at her hospital 24/7. She would take triple shifts just to stay out of the house. The only thing really holding her sanity was my sister.

After Prim died I found myself becoming socially incapable. I never talked to anyone ever. I didn't have any friends to share things with or do things with. I went to school, did my work, and went home without a word ever said. Only my music and hunting help keep me here on earth. In our wooded area I would go and take a bow to take out my anger to the world. Eventually it became a hobby of mine. My music is also something I can't possibly live without. My father was a music nut and I inherited that from him. I have all kinds of tracks to help find the right sound to keep in tune with myself. These things are the only things that has ever went right in my life. That was until everything went wrong again.

Katniss Everdeen the girl who lived. That's what they call me now after what happened last year. I was 15 and starting to accept that it wasn't my fault for the my family's deaths and my dreams had almost gone completely away. That was until I had a heart attack in my favorite spot in the woods. I was out hunting like any other day but when I didn't return at normal time my mother sent out to look for me. I have no memory of this day. She tells me that she found me face down next to a rotting log. She rushed me to her hospital and put me in to revive me from my attack. I woke up in the hospital with 7 IV's in my arms and neck. They had to preform Open-Heart Surgery to prevent anymore attacks. My mother told me that I had restrictive pericarditis and experienced congestive heart failure. That just means that the sac around my heart grew onto my heart and squeezed it causing no blood to flow and causing my heart to fail. I was alive, barely, but still alive enough to breath. I had been out over a week. They kept pumping morphine into my bloodstream so I would feel as little pain as possible. That was an understatement the morphine was only temporary and once I was awake I could feel every movement that took place in my body. Breathing was enough of a challenge but once I woke they forced me to get up and walk. They said it was suppose to help heal my cracked strum but it just made me want that pain killer even worse. They had to wean me off the stuff. I was becoming dependent on it. It made the all the pain go away and I liked that. Even if I had nightmares I never remembered them.

When I was released I was out of doing anything for three months. My chest was still healing and there was this long, thin cut dividing my breasts. The pain was present in my chest but they wouldn't let me take the meds anymore. I spent most of my days laying in bed and not doing anything. I wouldn't eat and lost a lot of weight. My nightmares came back with vengeance. Prim was always yelling at me questioning me why I didn't die on that table like she did. She would do this while tying me down and taking a knife and reopening in my chest up. She would go slow so I could feel all the pain. She would whisper 'feels good doesn't it.' to me over and over again with this evil smile on her face. She would then take the knife and make one swift stab toward my heart but before she would hit it I woke up in a pool of sweat holding my heart. That was more than I could handle. I would cry for hours or just curl up the best I could and stare at my walls.

It has been a year and a half since and my nightmares are just as bad. Each day I am reminded that I'm alive and Prim's dead by this ugly scar down my chest. I ask myself everyday why I was the one who lived. I didn't deserve life. I don't have anything to live for. I wasn't a great person that made everyone smile and laugh. That was Prim and my dad but they got the short end of the stick. I am more unsociable than before if that's even possible. I don't smile or laugh or talk not even to my mother. There is nothing for me to say. I go to school and get pretty good grades but I don't look or speak to anyone. When I get home I still go in the woods but I never hunt. It's just too hard for me to think I almost had a normal life without Prim. I escape to my music. Lyrics are the only thing that can help explain what I'm going through. Nothing ever matches but it helps to know other peoples lives suck too.

Today started off normal: have nightmares, wake up in sweat, shower, avoid mirrors until clothes are on, braid hair, skip breakfast, and go to school. I walked to school everyday even though I'm 17 and have my licenses and a car, I just can't make myself drive anywhere. I walk in the courtyard outside the school, waiting for the first bell to ring. I sit alone in a corner table. People sometimes sit near me but I never acknowledge them to any extent. I barely know these peoples names and we have been going to school together since we were in kindergarten. While I wait for the first bell as usual, a tall blonde boy comes and sits next to me. I look up to see this boy looking at me with a nervous smile. I don't say anything just look at him. I noticed he has the most beautiful blue eyes I have ever seen. They are almost prettier than Prim's ever was. Then he speaks. " Your Katniss right?" I just nod. " Well I'm Peeta Melark." I scrunch my eyes together still not understating why he was talking to me. He wipes his hands on his pant legs. " I was wondering if I could sit with you. I don't really fit in anywhere else." I just nod. The bell rings and shoot up and leave Mr. Peeta Melark alone at my table.

I hurried out of school when the finial bell rang trying to avoid my new friend ( if that's what you would call it). I was fine with not having anyone. I wasn't happy but I don't deserve to ever be happy. I am almost out but I hear a familiar voice calling out my name. "Katniss! Wait up!" I turn to see Peeta sprinting towards me. I turn around walking hurriedly hoping he won't be able to catch up. He was faster than I thought because the next thing I know he is right beside me. I don't even look at him. I have been trying to get the point across that I don't want him here. He just doesn't seem to get it. " Katniss, look I know you don't like me. I just wanted to say sorry for disturbing you today." I stop walking. His eyes are full of grief and regret. He was just being nice. Nicer than anyone has ever been to me. I give him a faint smile. A smile is a stranger to my face so its hard to make it look convincing.

" It's okay Peeta. I'm just not used to talking to people these days." I look down ashamed of my words. It was true. My social skills are at zero until today. I just never had anything to say to people so I didn't say anything. There was something different about this boy though. He gave me hope that there are decent people in this hell of a world. He made me want a friend. So I decided to be somewhat friendly to this kid. " Well I'll see you tomorrow same spot." He smiled and I walked off toward my house.

That next day at school when I arrived I found Peeta in the same spot as before. As I make my way toward him I see him with a pencil writing something on a pad of paper. As I sit down he notices me and puts away the notebook. It's clear that he doesn't want me to see it but I was just a little curious. Who was Peeta Melark? I knew so little about him and it made it hard for me to trust him. I didn't want to ask him just yet about what he was drawing. It would be too soon to get personal. Not that I want to be personal with this kid. I was glad we never spoke because I never have anything to say. When the bell rang I didn't run off like I did before but I didn't wait around for him. When I went to my classes I noticed that he was in everyone of them. Was he there before? I can tell how much my nightmares take over my life. I can't even remember the people in my class. I smile at the thought of maybe this friendship might actually do something good for me. After every class he would wait for me at the door to walk with me to our next class. I was nice to think I had someone if I ever needed them. But I still pushed the fact that I might be happy. I promised myself to never get to happy because that's when everything you have ever cared for can be ripped from you in a instant. My mind wandered around that thought. Avoiding happiness to never get hurt. Seemed like a good solution but it wasn't much of a life. The school day ended and Peeta never said a word. He just kept walking at my side and parted at the crossroads to our houses.

This went on for several weeks. I falling into a routine and the day was off if he wasn't there. We had shared few words but I grew to trust him more and more. Sometimes I caught him staring at me but as soon as I do he shoots down back to his pad he keeps by his side at all times. I muster up the courage to ask him what he is always wring down . "Peeta, what are you always writing?" He looks up in shock that I talked to him. He blushes. I can see he is embarrassed about whatever is in that book.

" I'm not writing. I was drawings." I just nod but I still want to know what they look like.

" Can I see?"

"It is kinda personal. I have never showed anyone my stuff. One day maybe but not today. Not until they are ready." I smile at him. One day when he is brave enough he will show me. I bet they are great but I have noticed that he is sorta a perfectionist. " What do you do? I mean I draw. You have to do something outside of school." I don't sleep if that is what you mean. I run away from the past but it keeps holding on.

" I spend a lot of time in our meadow and forest next to my house after school gets called out."

"Will you take me there?" I think about showing him my spot. I'm not sure I am ready to share that with someone even if he is my only friend.

" No one knows about it but me. It's my personal spot. When your ready to show me your pictures then I will take you" He nods and smiles. Then I realize that I will have to keep my end of deal and what if he is ready before me? I can trust him right?

**Okay. Just the first chapter. I'll try updating as fast as I can but I'm in season and my nights are becoming very busy. Please tell me how I'm doing. I am open to suggestions and constrictive criticism but please no hating. Review. **


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